Silence, it's my KEY

Love....
4 words, so simple and yet so hard to understand...

even you've made me angry, upset, annoyed, pissed off, disgust, wound, impatient,
just waiting for you non-stop doing nothing..

you made me feel so much various feelings that i've never felt before..

i'm happy but yet i'm sad..
i'm happy with you, for you, because of you,
but also sad because of you..
i'm also mad because of your naughtiness

you said,
"You think I'm stupid?"
well, i think so...but at least i believe that you're not

"I've been planning all of these before for you and because of you"
that's the point of what you wanted to say to me last time we made a complicated chat.

Yes...a complicated one because we were discussing about that problem again.

One that I can't accept the most,
one that I can't stand for...
One that made me can't accept it willingly and gracefully

Still..I wonder,
why..? WHY?

Why did, why must, why...?
Why it happens?
Why we can't?
Why don't you survive for it like I want to?
Why don't we survive for it together? Why you resist me from the beginning..?
Why did you give up..?

and after all of you've done into my life...
what's that for?
why you did that..? because you didn't know that before? that's why you did all of those things?
those memorial memories...

it makes my heart struggles in confusion..

i still wanna, but you don't..
honestly,
i'm still trying...to not give up like what you did..

but it's hard because you've been rejecting me from the very first moment you knew it..

i'm dying..
in the silence..

i still stuck in the same feeling as that very first moment before that very 'first' tragedy,
hoping that you won't ignore me again..

yes, i'm silent..
i look normal on the outside,
i look like i've got the key to forgetting you..
i look like i'm happy without you around me like those moments :)

but you should know,
that's all FAKE!! :'D

but it's my key, so you won't change like the last time you did because you didn't want me to get hurt..
i really really like you so much...i wonder why,
you're just....so kind :')

i'm happy for you, even it's hurt..
even you slowly forgetting me....and search for another one that could replace my place in advance

i'm still happy, eventhough it's in the sadness that i feel..
i'm so happy...this is my true feelings for you :'3
knowing that you've made it,
removing my existence from your 'beautiful' world :')

i don't want you to change,
that's why i keep silent..
cz i don't want you to think of more things to make me forget,
i don't want you to take pity on me...
and you know that also ♥

somehow it just makes me happy enough to know that you care so much for me..
even you said you're not..

the SILENCE is my KEY to keep me BEAR up and HOLD it up. ♪